Is anybody still out there?

Two rules: begin + continue

I haven’t blogged in a while. It’s been over a year, to be exact. I’m not entirely sure what happened. It’s not that I fell off the blogging bandwagon, except that I kind of did. It wasn’t sudden, but rather a slow and steady decline. So gradual, in fact, that it didn’t raise any of the usual alarm bells. It wasn’t obvious (to me) that I have been successfully avoiding the vulnerability of sharing the most tender parts of my soul. I mean, I’m a busy person, I told myself. I would blog if I had time…

And yet, all the usual red flags were present:

  • As time marched on, I started to question: whats the point?
  • I made up: I have nothing unique to contribute.
  • I felt that familiar knot in the pit of my stomach each time I would consider writing my next chapter.
  • I thought: Maybe I had simply shared everything that needed to be shared? 
  • I questioned: Maybe my journey shouldn’t be so public? Maybe there’s something to be said for privacy? 
  • I worried: Maybe people have been laughing at my writing this whole time?

Thoughts swirled around my head for months, each one pointing in the same direction: FEAR, a.k.a. – False Evidence Appearing Real. But when FEAR enters the picture, in disguise as reality, it can be really hard to pierce through that veil of illusion and see it for what it is!

Well, this is me piercing through the veil. I’m back at it you guys… I’m feeling the undeniable call towards vulnerability, towards facing those parts of my mind that are no longer serving, towards being real at all costs. It almost feels like I can’t not. And after a period of contraction and fear (totally normal part of the process), it feels exhilarating (and a bit nauseating, like most facing fear moments do) to step beyond my small self and dip a toe back into the blogging world.

So, here we go. Off on this “bekah outside the box” adventure yet again…. Are you with me?

17 comments

  1. Yes!

    Jeanne Marie Munoz

    >

  2. Bekah-yes you have something to say! And…people DO want to hear it. I too blog sporadically because, like you, mine started as a requirement but grew because I liked blogging.
    You never know who you will reach, how you will touch someone with your words. And your words do touch people!

  3. With you Bekah! And sometimes, with all the other social media going on now, it doesn’t even seem like that much time goes by without posting because it is not like you have been hiding from all social media… you just haven’t been blogging. It happens, and we keep you on our blog reader and then one day you are back. Yay!

    1. It’s true Rhonda… Hidden in plain sight!

  4. Yep. Still here, and awaiting your return. Go with it, girl; I’m watching.

  5. Jessica Hartwell · · Reply

    You have more power than you know. Continue! :)

    1. Mmmm, I’m starting to get glimpses of that. Thanks for being with me on this journey. It takes a caravan <3

  6. Still here!

  7. Bekah, you have no idea how your insights and compassion travel. Recall the post where you quoted “She Let Go” by Rev. Safire Rose. I am a social worker who sees 15-20 people a day. I copied the poem, gave you credit and adapted it to include “He Let Go’ on the other side of the page. I give it out to anyone who needs the message. I gave it out today. There are ripples to what we do which we neither control nor anticipate – I’m okay with that, and trust that you are too. Why else would you write?

    1. Thank you for this Gerry, and for sharing some of the details of those ripples. Gives me chills and is a poignant reminder – yes, this is exactly why I write. Much love and gratitude.

  8. I love your writing. I’m glad you’re back!

    1. Awe shucks, thank you! <3

  9. I’m with you and love your writing!

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