I haven’t blogged in a while. It’s been over a year, to be exact. I’m not entirely sure what happened. It’s not that I fell off the blogging bandwagon, except that I kind of did. It wasn’t sudden, but rather a slow and steady decline. So gradual, in fact, that it didn’t raise any of the usual alarm bells. It wasn’t obvious (to me) that I have been successfully avoiding the vulnerability of sharing the most tender parts of my soul. I mean, I’m a busy person, I told myself. I would blog if I had time…
And yet, all the usual red flags were present:
- As time marched on, I started to question: whats the point?
- I made up: I have nothing unique to contribute.
- I felt that familiar knot in the pit of my stomach each time I would consider writing my next chapter.
- I thought: Maybe I had simply shared everything that needed to be shared?
- I questioned: Maybe my journey shouldn’t be so public? Maybe there’s something to be said for privacy?
- I worried: Maybe people have been laughing at my writing this whole time?
Thoughts swirled around my head for months, each one pointing in the same direction: FEAR, a.k.a. – False Evidence Appearing Real. But when FEAR enters the picture, in disguise as reality, it can be really hard to pierce through that veil of illusion and see it for what it is!
Well, this is me piercing through the veil. I’m back at it you guys… I’m feeling the undeniable call towards vulnerability, towards facing those parts of my mind that are no longer serving, towards being real at all costs. It almost feels like I can’t not. And after a period of contraction and fear (totally normal part of the process), it feels exhilarating (and a bit nauseating, like most facing fear moments do) to step beyond my small self and dip a toe back into the blogging world.
So, here we go. Off on this “bekah outside the box” adventure yet again…. Are you with me?