Be Your Own Santa Claus

Christmas Lights

Welp, it’s officially the holiday season.

How do I know? Because the other day I cried all the tears on the planet. No seriously, there was a veritable rainstorm of tears uncontrollably streaming out of my eyes for nearly the entire day. And no my friends, I’m NOT talking about ‘pretty crying’ where one or two tears quietly roll down your face for dramatic effect. Nope. I’m talking about the puffy red eyes + snotty nose + entire box of Kleenex kind of ugly crying where all you can do is fasten your seatbelt and hold on for the ride. (Maybe you’re feeling it too?)

Why was I so upset?

Honestly, you could pretty much read this post and substitute the word “holidays” for the word “birthday” and be brought up to speed. The storyline went something like this: 

I am not loveable.
I am not worthy.
I am all alone.

And before you chime in to tell me that I’m wrong, believe me — when I’m not in the throes of it — I know. And frankly, even while I was in the throes of it, evidence to the contrary kept popping in … my mother out shopping for an awesome gift for me, an old friend wanting to make plans, a sweet text message … yet somehow I was still clinging to the story and still crying.

What was really going on?

As the day wore on two angels helped me find some clarity (thank you!). Long story short, I realized that it’s all well and good to have other people love and nurture me, but unless I love and nurture myself, I’ll always be left feeling like I don’t have what I need. First and foremost, this is something that comes from within. It’s that simple.

Be your own Santa Claus.

With this insight in mind I’ve embraced a new approach: this year I’m going to practice being my own Santa Claus, sans the white beard and red suit. What does that mean exactly? One angel described it as seeing myself as a child and taking care of her.

So far it has included taking a detour to marvel at twinkling Christmas lights, blasting my favorite holiday tunes, picking up an adorable mini-tree and presents to go underneath it (despite the fact that I’m Jewish- sorry Mom and Dad!). It also meant permission to enjoy a lazy Saturday afternoon including a full on nap, indulging in long showers and yummy smelling lotion, and practicing metta meditation.

Basically I’m practicing self-care. (AKA, I’m practicing what I preach.)

And you know what? As soon as my mindset shifted, my experience shifted. Like clockwork. And while I don’t mean to imply that everything is magically hunky dory (because I mean, COME ON!), I do feel like something actually shifted. Like the river of tears washed away some of the gunk that was housed inside of me. Like I’m a little bit lighter and a little bit more present. And that does feel great.

Friends, how are you holding up this holiday season? What tips and tricks are you employing to stay sane until the new year? As always, sharing in the comments is oh so appreciated… <3

2 comments

  1. Bekah, you don’t me and I don’t know you. Nevertheless, you speak to me today. I’ll try your prescription, exhortation, little wisdom, and be better for it. Thank you, I needed that more than you know (or I knew). Gerry

  2. the holidays…so big when i was little, so big when i had little ones, so small now, another moment in this darkness, more attuned to the pagan these days…my big anticipation right now?? the re-emergence of light …can hardly remember what it used to be all about since i don’t listen to radio or watch TV or go to malls…but i still love to sing those carols…sleigh bells ring, are you listening?…i love them all!…O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant…..i love you Rebekah, you are so worthy, you are so not alone….bella

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