We Have What We Need

{sometimes what I need is a pair of kick-ass boots!}

{sometimes what I need is to slip on a pair of kick-ass boots!}

So, I was having a full on pity party the other night. It went something like:

Poor me!
{Fill in the blank} hasn’t happened.
What’s wrong with me?
Why are other people getting x, y, and z, but I’m not?
I must not be good enough.
I must not deserve it.
Maybe if I try harder, do more, give more, it’ll happen?
Or maybe I just need to accept that it’s never going to happen and get over it.
This sucks.

Unfortunately, maybe you can relate?

En route to bed that night, still in the throes of my pity party, I stopped to grab some reading material — Pema Chodron’s Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears caught my eye.

I’d purchased this book nearly a year ago and quickly devoured chapters 1-5 in a few short afternoons, but then moved twice and somehow it got lost in the shuffle. No literally, it somehow got wedged underneath the driver’s seat in my car (which I didn’t know until recently) and I thought the book was gone forever. Recently I had occasion to throughly clean out my car (an irregular event, for those who don’t know me in real life) and re-discovered this book, wrinkled and a bit worse for the wear, but otherwise exactly as I’d left it — with a pen tucked into the book, marking where I had left off.

Yes, this book was calling to me.

I opened it up to where I had left off and read the following:

We have what we need.

Our repetitive suffering comes from our internal conversations — our judgments, embellishments, and labels about what’s happening. No matter what happened to us in the past, right now we can take responsibility for working compassionately with our habits, our thoughts and emotions. We can take the emphasis off who hurt us and put it on disentangling ourselves.

In this very lifetime, I have what it takes to change the movie of my life so that the same things don’t keep happening to me. Our attitude can be that we keep getting another chance to change the movie, rather than we’re just getting another bad deal.

Wowza!

These words cut right through my dark gray cloud of gloom and doom and all of a sudden, I saw the world more broadly. Oh yeah, I remember now. I get to write the story! And not just the first time, but rather every single moment is an opportunity for me to decide how my world is shaped, for me to write my story, for me to stay present and awake to my actual experience. And right now my story goes: I have what I need.

4 comments

  1. I needed your lesson this week too, thanks for sharing.

    1. And thank you for commenting. <3

  2. I LOVE those boots! Oh, wait.

    1. They’re my fave- instant better mood!

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